And the Lord said, “Away from this burger, Satan… You are a stumbling block of cheddar…”

The Easter weekend involved so many truly ridiculous things, trying to explain them all would be beyond your willingness to ever consider me a reliable source again.

That said, here are a few basic takeaways I picked up:

  1. I live with two people who murder muppets in our bathtub. There can be no other explanation for the size of the hair clogs in our drain.
  2. The amount of PCV pipe you buy on your first trip to the store is in inverse proportion to the amount of the old piping that will shatter when you try to repair it.
  3. Elderly family members in assisted living and pets will randomly run away from where they are supposed stay at the least opportune times for no real reason. At least one of these groups should require a collar with an Air Tag/GPS Tracer/LoJack on it for just this reason.
  4. A car will run while pouring gasoline out of its fuel lines. It will not run very far, but it will continue to run until you realize what the problem is.
  5. A Catholic Church on Easter can be among the least Christian places on Earth, in some cases. If someone is muttering, “Stop praying so loudly…” because they’re trying to pray, it’s hard to square that circle.
  6. The amount of time you give students to complete a project does not increase the likelihood that they will complete it. It’s almost like a stress test for your own sanity to determine how many emails you want to  get that will start with, “This was totally my own fault, but…”

All of this being said, you know you are in the right field when you get emails and messages from friends, colleagues and former students that fit perfectly with your own reading of a situation, like this:

As God as my witness, I swear I was wondering when I read this, “Who the hell is healing burgers?”

May tomorrow bring less chaos, more insight and a post that helps you in educating the next generation of journalists.

Vince (a.k.a. The Doctor of Paper)

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