As we noted in an earlier post, the Junk Drawer is usually full of stuff that didn’t fit anywhere else but you still need. Today’s edition of the JD gives you a look at some moments of writing that kind of left me shaking my head or pondering my own sense of sanity. Consider some of these items:

 

From the “Sometimes The Lead Just Writes Itself” Department:

You can overwrite a lead when you try to put too much of your own polish on it or you try to oversell it. Fortunately, some stories just walk up and say, “Here’s your lead” like this one did:

BRISTOL, Tenn. – A man who police say was run over with a lawn mower while trying to kill his son with a chain saw has had to have his leg amputated.

I figured this was going to be the best lead of the week when it came to this concept. I was clearly wrong, thanks to a head’s up from Steven Chappell.

Dennis Hof, the flamboyant pimp, reality television star and Republican nominee who was expected to win a seat in the Nevada Assembly next month, was found dead at his Nye County, Nev., brothel Tuesday morning by a male porn star, authorities said.

 

In other “junk drawer” news…

I’d call this a “safe bet” statement from the sheriff:

A Wisconsin teenager who has been missing since her parents were found dead in their home isn’t a runaway and investigators believe she’s in danger, a sheriff said Tuesday.

 

File this under the “Because I SAID SO” arguments you will some day make to your kids:

 

Question for the group: At what point is something too ridiculous to be news?

Answer: When you can write this headline and the word “witch” doesn’t make it into the first three paragraphs.

‘It is a scary time,’ Trump backer Amy Kremer tells MSNBC. Witches ‘are placing a hex on Brett Kavanaugh.’

Although I take no political stands on this blog, it is worth mentioning that the Republicans started the “witch” thing first:

 

In “Are we not doing ‘phrasing’ anymore?” news:

This Facebook post clearly needs context and emergency punctuation:

 

Don’t hide in the gray areas, judge. Tell us how you really feel:

Judge to man found guilty of killing 4-year-old girl: “You should die in a locked closet”

 

And he’s probably not going to be “Johnny Sheen,” “Johnny Chaplin” or “Johnny Brown” either…

“Obviously I’m not going to change, I’m not the type of player that’s going to be ‘Johnny Hustle,’ and run down the line and slide to first base and … you know, whatever can happen. That’s just not my personality, that’s not my cup of tea, that’s not who I am.

I think he meant “Charlie Hustle” (a Pete Rose reference) or at least I hope so…

And finally… When it comes to giving great advice, leave it to your law-enforcement officials:

“If someone is beating you with a metal rod, you have every right to defend yourself,” Sheriff Grady Judd offered. “But if that person hits you and runs away, call 911. Don’t try to run him down with your truck. It’s not only nuts, it’s illegal. It’s attempted murder.”